o.o

Greetings guys.

So how was your examination week? Tough huh? Yeah, Same goes to me too. Haunted by worries and formulas. Nevertheless, examinations are just one of the small challenges in our life. More to come, more to go; get ready, to face it all. With God’s will and care , I think we can do it! Yeah, and cheers for our mighty all loving God.

*sneaky*

Okay, what is my point to share this time? Well, just some of my prayers to God. I may look very cheerful and strong to you all, but I am made of flesh just like you all. Recently, I am very tired. Both mentally and physiologically. Under stress by the exams and relationship too. 

Exams, give me headache. Peer pressures. Oh, crap. Dean’s list some more. Argh! Man, why don’t they use Google instead of asking the candidates to memorize the damn multifaceted and complex formulas. Studying thinking skills for maturing your thinking and put on your thinking hats. I hate when even they also want to limit and tell us how to do the thinking stuff. I suppose that thinking should be free and not bound by any ideology and stupid theories by some idiotic lame philosophers who died a few centuries ago and ending up, themselves also don’t understand the craps from their minds. Hell yeah, humans are getting idiotic and totally lacking out of some serious intelligences. Take a detail look around. More and more people tend to get naked on the web, introducing entertainment based and irrelevant activities that related to sex and etc, songs are based on angers and hates, blogs are the places to release the stress, gays and lesbians, showing body parts with full confidence by dressing sexy, one night stand; holycow, I can mention it for the whole night. I am so confused with this. Where and what  is their point of view toward God. God is here to help us, do make full use of Him, trust and rely on Him. I am saying this as He is our last hope to trust on. I was a bad children to Him and yet I tried to behave well and change for better. I am still learning. Sometime it is easier to say than done. So, try to trust Him; as this is the lesson that we should be learning until the day comes. The days are not going to be better, there is not going to be a better future. Never as the bible’s prophecy in the Revelations. So, we must be faithful and confidence with His guidance as He is never wrong in His judgments. So, let us hit the road and end the journey with His blessing and peace.

Yeah, done with the short motivation.

Hmm, some clarifications need to be make here. Well, Jionsean and I are just best friends. For real, guys. Please don’t give me the pressure for this. I really feel so tired. Sorry but no offence. I just want to be her best friend, not more than that for now. I will stay spiritually, mentally and physically powerful and strong with her, just by her side. I gave her the choice to make her own decision. I leave everything to her. I was wrong before with my ex. I do not want to be wrong again with her, especially. Things are tougher than we see actually. I realize the status quo between her and me. The standards are too far apart. What is the best for me, maybe not the best for her. I am taking these into considerations. I am not trying to be romantic or sweet here. It is important for all of you to define love. Growth in love. In God’s love especially. I admit that, a relationship can get worst without God’s blessing and if He is not in charge of it. People comments us. Here and there. I really don’t give a damn mind about how they comment about me. Just say that they care about her, well how about me? I guess their action is in fact indirectly says that I am way too worst to get along with her. Hmm, kind of, if I take a deep breath and think about it. This is quite non-motivating for me, seriously. That makes I feel so tired. I guess I am that lame. Maybe I should stick myself to Dota, doing my gaming server things, get along with computers, graphics , man. This is what I like to do. I enjoy myself in it. I meant it. I don’t really like to socialize and I prefer a one man show or Rambo. That is why I suck at relationships. I ever think of quit this scholarship and become a professional full time player. I got the offer before from international gaming teams. It is not too late for me to reject them. I may take this into consideration. Why am I still lying my arse in this university? Backstabbing, lies, envy, jealousy, and etc are not in my cup of tea to drink. I realized that, the world is cruel. The situation is the same everywhere. I have to face it with the help from God. It is hard to pleasure everyone who don’t really give a damn on you. So, I only got one life to live, there is no point for me to live my life as they wanted me to be. Who are they to me? They are nothing but some dusts in my eyes. So, trolls and candy bowl faces, get a life and alive or be lifeless like now. Comment and mirror your buttface before you comment the others. Sorry for the rudeness, I am quite disappointed with these maggots, acting good in front of me then do some real hurting just behind of me. I feel sorry to say that, some of them are even my ex-classmates. Yeah, so call classmates, did I tell your stories and make up some more just for the sake of sharing and commenting session with my friends?  Think about it. Oh well, I guess I can’t be demanding from human beings anymore. So many of them are letting me down. I just want to be a friend who will not let the other’s down as they do it to me. There is no indirect or direct commenting on anyone here. I just want to treat the other well while I still have the chance to do so. I guess I am still learning and changing my attitudes. I will put my hardest effort to do it, not for the sake of pleasing the pissed off looking nerdies, but for becoming a better human with God’s image in me. It is hard, so do pray and remind me. For now, I am happy with what I have. I will not ask for more but a Dean’s list in my academic. I hope that God will grant her with the strength and intelligence that she required to decide what is the best for both of us. I experienced a lot of disappointments and negative feedbacks since I get along with Jionsean. For real, is it so hard to be her friend? I guess, my existence is sometime unnecessary in her life. I am causing more troubles to her than benefits her. I am not surprise that if she told me that she also dislike me. Sorry but no offence again.  Well, Kevin Teng is always the guy who mess up everything, is fine with me for the title that they crowned to me. I don’t owe you a fcuking* damn shYt* about this.

 

I’m torn between what was and what could be.  <===Read max.

 

 

With that, I end my emo-post and thanks for reading. (I still do not feel better.)

o.OV